Pressure: A guide to staying positive regardless.
-The Journey to The Extraordinary Issue 003–2020
On some days, I wonder where my life is headed. On some other days, I am filled with joy, positive I am on the right path and content. On the latter days, I feel like a trillion bucks, well, because I am and worth far beyond. Oh, yes, my confidence is super high and overflowing😉.
After a conversation with a cousin, recently, I realised she clocked 30 on her last birthday. She is also blessed with a loving husband and done with childbearing (or at least that is what she says, but you know how this thing sometimes plays out😀). Our conversation made me realise her reality was once my dream. I wanted to be married and have all my children before 30, albeit five or six children (😂😂😂 yes, you read right. Don’t judge me, I was a child). Am I sad that someone else is living out my dream? Definitely not. Technically, it is not my dream anymore because I had forgotten. Am I trying to shove it aside to mask my pain? I have no time for time-wasting pity parties. Guess what? I still have some years to 30 so let us keep our fingers crossed. I will have the best husband, children and in-laws at the appointed time. I know where I am headed, hence, I cannot be forlorn.
That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life-whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food. and your body more than clothing? -Matthew 6:25 (NLT)
Let me give you a little back story. My parents had me after about seven years of waiting, so I am some Isaac or Samuel (hmm, how come there is no account of a female “promise” child in the Bible?) of some sort. This is not even the crux. The uniqueness of my birth makes me believe so much in God’s timing, precision and attention to detail. I know I am here for a time such as this, no one can tell me otherwise. I came just on time.
In my third year at the University of Ibadan, I remember a colleague telling me ‘to go and wash my head’* because I told her I was not romantically engaged with anyone at the time. Really?! I remember vividly the place and her gestures as the words sped from her mouth recklessly. It is hard to forget such in a hurry. However, with my belief in God’s timing, precision and attention to detail, do you think I am moved by societal pressure? Definitely not, but has the whole marriage/relationship talk ever gotten to me? Yes, of course, I am human. However, it stopped being a bother when I placed it at His feet and sat to understand me through His eyes. In His time, the puzzle will come together and its beauty will be seen.
Then Jesus said, “Come unto me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” -Matthew 11:28 (NLT)
Here, marriage is a simple metaphor for whatever you or society think you should have attained but seems to be a little far-reaching. In our world, we believe at a certain time we should have a certain type of job, business, earning a certain salary, have children, own a house etc. Quick rebuff, I am not saying you should accept whatever life throws at you. I am saying you should search within to know why you are where you are and why you are going through what you are going through (this realisation takes away envy, also giving you a sense of purpose). Check with the Compass, are you on track or is the gbas gbos** of life making you live below optimization?
Have you ever buried your feet deeply in beach sand and allowed the waters to flow towards you? What happened? Did not the depth of your feet in the sand keep you steady as the waters came? Also, with the frequency of the waters that took some sand off, did not you want to deepen your feet more into the sand to maintain your depth to avoid falling? That should be your disposition as people express their expectations, worries and fears to you; firmly ground yourself in the understanding of God’s plans and promises (sand) so that as the thoughts and questions flow in like the waters of the ocean towards you, your understanding makes you stand firm regardless.
Firmly ground yourself in the understanding of God’s plans and promises (sand) so that as the thoughts and questions flow in like the waters of the ocean towards you, your understanding makes you stand firm regardless.
Let me also add that you should not rebuff yourself or other people without a thought. The social media space is filled with thought makers who tell you to stand for yourself, protect your peace and the likes. Are they bad? No, but do not allow your rebuff to be built only on the vibe you get from the woke people. What happens if you receive the below?
You might probably give in to depression, hate or something awful. Be resolute, but let it be built on the solid foundation of truth and understanding. So that when the rubber hits the road, you can confidently refute every bad energy from a place of understanding and peace, not stubbornness or rebellion. Stubbornness is a shallow foundation that will cause you pain. Understanding is a firm foundation that will give you peace.
Stubbornness is a shallow foundation that will cause you pain. Understanding is a firm foundation that will give you peace.
Know and understand your path. Also, never forget you are super loved by God and His promises will never fail. Jesus is a healer of all wounds (physical, mental, emotional etc.). The Holy Spirit is a comforter. I speak from the point of experience. You can trust me on this one.
God makes everything beautiful in His time. When you see others living out what you once or still desire, be genuinely happy for them, but confident that no good thing can be withheld from you, the righteous.
For the LORD God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right. -Psalm 84:11 (NLT)
On the journey to extraordinary, you need to know what you are. Do not let people hang their timelines, worries, fears and doubts on you. Do not hang them on yourself either. Do not receive a wet blanket. Receive your baton and run with it. You are you-bespoke, unique, custom-made, and fit to standard.
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*It is a ceremony carried out by traditionalists where a person who is perceived to be afflicted spiritually is cleansed.
**A Nigerian lingo meaning struggles, disappointments, punches, and knocks.
